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Monday, January 26, 2015

Bachelor - Episode 4 - January 26



We start this episode with Chris telling the girls that Chris' 3 sisters will be deciding who goes on the "one on one" date.  In the meantime, the girls get a group date card for a "natural date", which, naturally, means... bikinis.

Remember when the scandalous outfit girls could wear was a low cut shirt?  I felt like Ashley"Kardashian" was wearing the opposite, high top that I felt like her boobs were going to pop out of the bottom of her top.  But apparently, that doesn't matter, because they start swimming, and Kardashian takes her top off to jump in the water.  Not to be outdone, Kaitlyn pulls her bottoms off.  Kelsey is horrified and doesn't think this is very dignified.

Back at the house, the sisters arrive and the girls are so excited... except Jillian who is sleeping by the pool.  When she wakes up, she has a black bar across her bottom half.  This girl obviously needs help picking out her bottoms.

The sisters chat with each of the girls.  It feels very much like a job interview.  I don't know about anyone else, but I thought it was pretty formal.

Back at the beach date, they play Red Rover.  The girls are having a great time, well, that is, except for Kelsey, describes this experience as being in a "hell hole", and then Chris breaks the news that they will be camping.  They have to put up their tent, and Kaitlyn is loving it.

We're back with the sisters again, they say goodbye to the girls.

Then we find out they've chosen Jade for a Cinderella style date.  Good choice sisters.

Back to the camping.  They're cooking, having a campfire and talking about how much they want the rose.  Kaitlyn and Chris chat, and he tells Kaitlyn he is a "touchy feely guy".... I guess that's why he's always kissing everyone.

The girls chat around the campfire, and Kelsey pouts hardcore.  And everyone notices that she giggles and smiles every time Chris is around.  And it does appear to be true.

And of course, the girls get drinking.... and Ashley gets a little crazy... singing "campfire songs"... although, I've never heard those campfire songs before.

We had a little "weather break" in the middle - so I may have missed something.... because apparently we're getting the storm of the century on the east coast.

When we come back... it's crazy Ashley.  I have to say, I selfishly want her to stay part of the show because I love me a little crazy.... and apparently she "loves Chris", because she told him as much.  She intensely stared at him and whispered a bunch of things that needed subtitles.  Is this just alcohol induced?  Or is she legit crazy?

So Kardashian says she really wants to show him how much she likes him.  I think the porno kiss last time was enough.  But she's doing it again.  And she, once again, insists that no one had as good a time with Chris as he had with her.  But, Kaitlyn gets the rose.  Everyone looks angry, but she's happy... and drunk.

Everyone goes to bed, except Kardashian, who decides to head over to Chris' tent.  For some weird reason, his tent is open, although he claims to have been "fast asleep".  Maybe he likes bugs and wildlife.  Kardashian tells him that she hasn't had a boyfriend and that she's "inexperienced".  Ugh, this is awkward.... and boring.  And Chris says he doesn't understand what she's talking about.  Then they makeout.  Ugh.

When the group comes back after camping, they break the news that Jade got the date.  Kardashian looks like she's going to flip out.  Then some people come in screaming for Jade, then they take her aside to transform her.  There's some crazy princess bling to transform her.  The girls are jealous... but none more so than Kardashian.  She gets some glass slippers and earrings that she gets to keep.  She comes out, and looks gorgeous.  She heads out in a fancy car.

At the ball, Jade walks in and Chris is happy with his sisters' choice.  They chat for a bit.  She shares that she was engaged young, which is a similar circumstance to Chris.  They toast.

Back at the house, Kardashian dresses up as a princess and eats corn on the cob and drinks wine.  Normal, right?

Just as Chris gets ready to decide what he's doing with the rose.... we get a "storm of the century update".  Ok storm, you're ruining my tv watching.  How am I ever going to catch up on what happened during your update?  Oh wait, I forgot how predictable things are on this show.  Jade gets the rose.  And they waltz to an orchestra playing some music... and some scenes from Cinderella play.  Sidenote - I really want to see that movie.  The waltz is over, and they kiss.... wasn't that unexpected?  No?  That's right, he kisses everyone.

In a cheesy montage, Chris and Jade kiss, the clock strikes midnight, and she runs away.

Last group date - called "let's get dirty", which comes with boxes.  They open them up and they have wedding dresses inside.  Jillian says she's out of her element... probably because her butt is covered.

They get on a private jet... and meet Chris in San Francisco.  They head to "muck fest"... looks like a mud obstacle course.  This looks like fun.  This run raises money for MS.  The girls are going to race, and the winner gets a one-on-one with Chris.  Chris runs through with them.  I do think that the style of the dress matters.  Strapless dresses suck.  Those girls are constantly pulling their dress up.  Jillian also has a shorter dress on than everyone else... so I don' really feel like it's totally fair.   Chris helps some of them get through.  And I'm disappointed when Jillian win because I know she will talk incessantly about what a force she is to be reconned with.  We get it, you're fit, move on.  I just wonder if she'll wear some butt baring outfit on the one-on-one.

Chris says he's physically attracted to Jillian.  But then she just can't stop talking.  She talks so fast, Chris says he gets confused and thinks of "unicorns and dancing fairies".  She clearly doesn't know much about the "give and take" in conversation.  Chris mentions that he doesn't feel the romantic connection that he thinks the romantic space warrants.  He starts to give a speech... as Jillian talks about how confident she feels about going back with a rose.  He says tells her he doesn't feel the connection.  She gets kind of weirdly defensive, then she cries.  In the end, he doesn't give her a rose.  Jillian says she hopes she finds love some day.  And I hope she does too.... and I hope that love comes with shorts and bathing suit bottoms that fit.

So we have a weird blind taste testing with Chris and Megan.  Is she drunk again?

Kardashian decides to pull Chris aside to tell him again about being "inexperienced".  So she comes right out and says she's a virgin and tells him not be to weirded out because she's "not super serious about it".  Huh?  Anyway  he says he's ok with it... but she goes inside and freaks out that now he might "respect her too much".  This girl is so strange.  Anyway, she assumes that because he didn't kiss her it's all over.  She's crying alot, and is seeking reassurance from everyone.

As word gets around that Kardashian is a virgin, the girls have a hard time believing it.  Then Becca reveals that she is also a virgin and Kaitlyn can't believe it!  Two virgins!  *yawn*

Britt is being her usual intense stuff.  She wants to find out where Chris stands because she notices he's making other girls feel special.  Then when they talk, she wants to know why girls are getting roses.  Does she remember what this show is about?  Chris stammers over defending why he gave Kaitlyn a rose.  But in his one-on-one interview he says he's disappointed that he had to spend his time with her defending his choices.

Chris leaves Britt, and says he's frustrated, and tells the girls that if they don't feel he's there for the right reasons, they should leave.

After all of the freaking out, Kardashian gets her rose.  Britt gets the final rose.  Unfortunately, for me, crazy Ashley doesn't get one, so we're not going to get those funny clips anymore.  As she walked out, I hoped for a little more of a montage of her craziness.

Chris takes Juelia outside to chat with her about how special she is, but he had to send her home to be with her daughter because the feelings weren't there.

Preview for next week - And it looks like Kelsey is going to take over the crazy.

Speaking of crazy - crazy Ashley gives us a last few flashes of crazy.  She says she feels nothing.  I love her.

What did you all think?  Did I miss anything major with the weather updates?  Share in the comments below.

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